Thoughts on a future

A lot of things came about this semester that have made me think a lot.

I am a physics major. I've spent a good deal of the last couple of years as an aspiring physicist. Only this semester did I realize that the education I received at school, was more than inadequate for me to be able to even want to pursue a future in physics.
The lack of information and the poor teaching abilities of some of the professors has really changed my perspective on academia. Some of the professors have gone so far as to make the comment that they can not afford to fail any of the students in our dept for fear of losing funding. Keep in mind, there are only 15 physics majors, that are actually attempting upper division classes. Some of the professors do try to teach, and they do a damned good job, but a majority of them don't. They almost don't care. We get a grade for showing up to class. I missed a month of my quantum mechanics and solid state physics classes this past semester and still got an A and a B in both of them. I did not earn those grades. Nobody did.

We, the students in the dept, knew who our professors were going to be for this past semester and tried to fight it. No matter how many of us went and talked to the dept chair, he did not listen. He felt his opinion of the professor was better than ours. At the end of the semester we were right. He won't admit to it, but we were. After discussing it with my peers, we all agreed that we learned nothing this semester. Everything that we know or knew about quantum mechanics and solid state physics, was learned in prior classes or through undergraduate research. Not every had the opportunities to do so though.

This is the downfall of education. Granted it could get a lot worse, I still don't see it getting any better anytime soon.

/endrant

I've been dealing with a lot of problems as of late. Trying to get back into my routine. Trying to be healthier, Trying to be a better Marine. It's been really hard lately. I've lost all my focus for everything I ever wanted. It really bothers me that I've allowed myself to lose touch with everything this much. I've really screwed myself over.

I entered a race called the Muddy Buddy. I've let myself go so much I know I won't be in the best shape for it when it comes around. I can get to a point where I know I'll finish but I'm really worried about this summer. I'm going to Bridgeport for AT this summer and it's all about Mountain Warfare training. I'm slightly concerned about it.

I've let myself go. My priorities are all mixed up.

I'm tired of all the bullshit. I'm tired of being unsure of myself, and I'm tired of not being able to stayed focused enough to achieve the goals I want. I get so close, and then I let one thing get me down and I end up taking 30 steps back instead of one.